I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
