White coat. Heels.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
