Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
