Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
