Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
