I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
