I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
