she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
