The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
