cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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