The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
