garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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