NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
