why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
