Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
