I could make wine with my vomit
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
