just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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