I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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