I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
