just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
