My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
