i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
