I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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