she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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