I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
