apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
