Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
