I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
