sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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