well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
