that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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