I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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