There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
