You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
