turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
