She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
