Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
