I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
