She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
