How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
