he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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