bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you had me at cake vodka
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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