I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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