I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
