I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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