i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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