I smell stomach acid.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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