I need help removing her.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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