dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
