She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
